I Wonder

Its 6:15 a.m. As i look into my backyard, i notice a sense of calmness, a sense of stillness. Everything is in its place, or so it seems. And for some odd reason, we appreacite nature and its beautiful wonders, when the world is still. Honestly, i wish it would stay like this forever. I look outside and i just wonder. I wonder whats going to happen the next day. I wonder about my loved ones. I wonder if they love me, the way i love them. I wonder if am going to be successful in life. I wonder if i will ever have my dream job. I wonder if natalie knows that i cant live without her.I wonder if ill make a new friend tomorrow.I wonder if am ever going to have a family. I wonder how many kids will i have.I wonder if my words are ever going to touch someones life. I wonder how. I wonder why my dreams to me, has meaning, even though psychologist says dreams dont have any meaning. I wonder whos going to be at my funeral. I wonder what next book am going to read. I wonder why i love taking pictures so much. I wonder where i got it from. I wonder if my brother and sister love me. I wonder if am ever going to get a pet. I wonder what.I wonder if am going to be a good mother. I wonder where am i going to travel. I wonder why guys cant express their emotions. I wonder why i have no talents. I wonder why i love disney so much. I wonder if i have a twin in the world, will i see them. I wonder when will I move out. I wonder where ill live. I wonder why people get sexually harrase and raped.I wonder who am I going to marry. I wonder if my child is going to love me. I wonder why I need the t.v. to be on while sleeping. I wonder why my favorite color is blue. I wonder if i die, if people will miss me. I wonder what school ill get accepted too. I wonder if am ever going to cook. I wonder why people cheat. I wonder why. I wonder if i lived someone else, where. I wonder it would still be here. I wonder if people secretly hates me, but they act fake to my face. I wonder if am going to be happy tomorrow, or the next day after. I wonder why I love twilight so much. I wonder where my life will lead me in 30 years. I wonder if am still gonna have the same bestfriends. I wonder if ill ever write my own book. I wonder who will read it. I wonder how people become deaf. I wonder if sign language is hard. I wonder if people that kill, regret it. I wonder why I have insomina. I wonder what goes through guys minds. I wonder why i dont have super powers to ever find that out. I wonder if nathan knows that i think hes very smart, and that his mind will take him places. I wonder if i didnt get into that car accident last year, would i still be the same person i am today.I wonder when will I get fully healed. I wonder if ill ever be happy with myself. I wonder if ill ever fall in love. I wonder if anyone hears me cry every night of pain. I wonder why people work at places they hate. I wonder if anyone is truely happy in the world. I wonder why people lie. I wonder why girls throw themselves at guys 99.9 % of the time.I wonder why people get divorced. I wonder why people get married, just because shes preganant. I wonder why people commit sucide. I wonder why they didnt get help. I wonder why people give away their childen. I wonder if there hurt. I wonder if my parents know i love them alot and appreciate everything they do. I wonder why the greatest icons are mostly dead. I wonder if people i love, know that i want whats best for them. I wonder if they know, that i would die for them.I wonder if ill ever meet james franco and kid cudi. I wonder about the places ill go, the people i meet, and the lessons ill learn along the way. As i look back into the lightly blue sky right now, I still wonder a lot more things. The wonderings gives us a sense of "what if" questions. Now its up to us to find the answers and truth behind these wonders. Not only are they questions, there a sense of letting the people you love know, that you love them back. Everyday, I mean every single day, let your loved ones know, that you cant live a day without them. So the next time ur up at 6 a.m., look at the sky and just wonder.Wondering is a good thing, but living it, is even better. Goodnight world, Goodmorning me.

or shall I say Goodmorning world, Goodnight me :)

Bless you, Walt Disney

Its 2:34 a.m I didnt write yesterday, but tonight will cover up both days. Most people say that as you grow older, you should act like an adult and not a child anymore. That, you should outgrow your stuffed animals or your kiddy toys at a certain age. Well i disagree. I think the inner child in everyone is in you forever. Yes, maybe at a certain age, people dont let it out, but it doesnt mean its not there. I think its a beautiful thing to watch. It shows that a person can always feel young, and not have a care in the world. Yes, you have responsibilites to take care of, but it doesnt mean you have to always be serious all the time. Walt Disney, to me, is by the most genius man i know. That might sound strange coming from an 20 year old, but its true. He took that idea, that anyone can be a kid, and turned it into reality. Not only that, but he made a whole disney saga that will last forever. He wanted to bring out the inner child in everybody and really make us believe that dreams really come true. He wanted families to have fun together and enjoy disney; and thats exactly what happened. I was at california adventures yesterday and i left my party and watched the electrical parade. So as it was showing, everything just stopped around me. It felt like i controlled a time machine and everything just froze; it was just me and the parade. I saw little kids around me, call out their favorite character, as their faces just lit up. All those pretty lights, happy smiles, spirted dancers; to me nothing could be better. Till this day, it amazes me how walt disney still manages to touch peoples hearts, including mine. Everytime i walk into disneyland, i act like i've never been their before; like it still hits me that hard. I mean you think after a while you would get over it, but to me it doesnt. It just makes me fall more in love with it again and again. My parents think i need therapy just because i sleep with a whinne the pooh and cant go a night without it. I think its funny, because i truely do believe that their serious. But why? Why isnt it ok to have that inner child in you? It doesnt hurt anybody, it just makes you happy. Thats what counts right? A world without disney to me, is just a black and white world. Disney is the color in my life. I cant say everyone will agree with me, because i know they wont. But i guess you have have to be in my shoes to understand, how disney effects my life. So the next time you go to disneyland, not only enjoy yourself, but look around and see the faces of happiness all around you. Notice how you see everyone smiling and laughing, well its never going to get old. So thank you Walt Disney. And when it really comes down to it, it all started with a mouse. Goodnight world, Goodmorning me :)

Not your typical HERO

its 3:09 a.m. When we think of hero, we think of someone macho or hercules looking right? Someone that has saved the day and everyone cheers for them. Well at least most people think that. But through your eyes, there's at least one person you call hero. It could be your parents, friends, neighbors, loved ones etc. That one person you've always looked up too, and sometimes you even wanted to be like them at some point. Someone that has helped you, or has touched you with their kind words. So whos your hero? Cant think of one? About a Clinical Psychologist? Not your typical hero huh? As a psychology major, I find out, that theres more than one part to psychology. Their is so many different fields, that sometimes it made me even reconsider psychology as my major in the first place. No, am kidding. I knew i wanted to help people. I want to touch someone, with my words, and be the reason they are changed for the better. There is so many different sections of psychology to choose from. From Developmental to Social psychology, to even Military Psychology, its just an endless list. One area that people dont recongize as much is Clinical Psychologists. Clinical psychologist deal with people from depression to schizophrenia to some of the most severe patients with the worst disorders ever. They deal with hardest patients on a daily bases. Everyday, Clinical psychologist go through hard times, to help their patients out. You need a lot of patience. I mean ALOT OF PATIENCE to be one. Now to the patients, these psychologist are their HERO's. They look up to them, every single day of their lives. Most of these patients dont even know what's going on half of the time, because their disease has taken over them. Its up to clinical psychologists to help analyze and predict what they have, and how to cure it. With patience and love for their job, they come into work with one thing on their mind: to help them be alive again. Most people dont realize how much they go through both the psychologist and the patients together. "One Flew Over The Cuck00's Nest". If you see it, you start to appreciate people in this business. I know its not an easy job, but someone has to do it. Who you say might want to do this job, only the strong hearted loving patient people will do this job. And they have so much to give to these patients, that it makes you wonder whats a hero again. These people are heros. Maybe not to most people, but they are. I give my respect to them for what they have to put up with, because its not an easy job. So the next time someone asks you, whats a hero, stop and think for a second. Realize its not based off a persons looks or if they saved the day or not, its based on their unconditonal love towards anyone. Heros can be anybody, even in the most unexpected places. Are you someone's hero? Goodnight world, Goodmorning me :)

Ourself and the word REGRET

Its 2:59 a.m. So am not in my room tonight, am at my best friend, peters house. His room is pretty simple, there's not that many things in here. One thing that bugs me is that the walls are plain. Its just one small plain blue room. In my room theirs a bunch of pictures. Like a BUNCH! I love taking pictures, and anyone who knows me will agree 100%. I do not go anywhere without my camera; its just a part of me. My friends will come over, and will look at pictures of themselves, and sometimes they would just trip out. They will wonder "What the hell was going through my mind, as i was wearing that". Then they often start regretting a lot of things in their past. But why? Why do we regret a lot of things that we have done in our past? First off, we do we look back at the past so much to even begin thinking about regret? Yes, the past is who we are, and its where your going, but why is the past the only place we regret? Why not the present? Do we regret stuff as it's happening to us? As you grow up, you tend to realize your mistakes and correct yourself for the future. But what was our mistake back then? A couple of fights and a bad outfit. That doesn't mean we should regret doing it. At one point we acted and thought that way. Do you think everybody goes through a phase at one point? And if so what does the word regret really actually mean to us? To take something back we have done, and do it differently? No, the world doesn't work like that. And if it did, then life would be a video and you would keep rewinding and play whenever you please. No one should ever regret anything because what you have accomplished is who you are. If you regret not joining a sport when u were younger, then maybe u weren't meant to play that certain sport, and then now you can push yourself harder to achieve it. Or you regret not doing good in school, well then it would push you harder to do better in life. Each regret you can think of, has a purpose. It doesn't mean you cant play that sport, or do better in life, now it just means now u have a reason to move forward and reach your goals. When you leave the world, you want to look back at your life with no regrets at all. So the next time you look at old pictures and sometimes regret doing some stuff then, just remember, the good and bad times will always stay with you, regardless if you regret them or not. It's the strength inside you now, that will keep you going forever. Goodnight world, Goodmorning me :)

Different Generation

its 1:54 am. I noticed my best writting is at night. It's always been like that. I think its the darknesss that smooths me. I like looking up in the stars, and just picture my life ten years from now. I see myself with a big family with a lot of kids.I've always wanted older brothers, for some odd reason. So they could protect me, but i ended up being the oldest. It has its flaws, but god wanted me to be the oldest for a reason. Maybe so i can protect my younger sister and brother. I like to say am some what wise. I've been through alot, seen alot of things happen, and just learned from all my experiences. Good or Bad. So as i am looking into the stars, thinking about what my future holds, I think about if i am going to be a good mom. Most of the time, we get sick of our parents, as they talk about their childhood, and how they didnt have much while growing up. And as they are telling these stories a million times, it never sits in, that when we are parents; that we are going to be the exact same way with our kids. Everything they say to us, is what we are going to say to our kids. That is my known fact. The next generation is going to be alot different then ours. Kids are going to be more bratty and spoiled; and are going to want every toy ever made. But we are going to treat them different; because we were brought up different. At age 5 they know when to say please and thank you. And not be some snotty little kid. I want alot of kids, like 12. So i think about it a lot, and how the next generation is going to be worse than this one. But i think positive, because i know that i will be the best mother i can be, and will absoutely anything for my kids. I have a lot of time to worry about that, but a different generation is going to happen soon; and we best believe it! Goodnight world. Goodmorning me :)

Why Wishes?

Its 3:33 a.m. Some people would say make a wish. And sometimes it comes true, but 99.9% of the time it doesnt. Why? Why doesnt our wishes come true? Is it something our mind just makes up?Is it because we wish for sooo many things to happen..is there such thing as too many wishes? personally i dont believe on wishes. Whatever happens to you, happens for a reason only. You cant just wish for shit to happen, cuz then everyone would be doing that then. WHich is reality they are, HENCE, thats why wishes dont come too. Its just in your head. Allll in youuuurrrr headdddd. It's sad how people wish for things, that they know they will never get. But i think we were brought up as a kid, to just wish for stuff. To dream big, and wish that anything could and will happen. In that case, maybe wishes are good sometimes. Maybe it will give us hope and faith, even if we know they arent true. It will make us feel like a kid again. And who wouldnt want to feel like that again? So when its 3:33 think of me and my wish theory :) Goodnight world. Goodmorning for me.